Healing Old Wounds With New Control
— The issue is in the tissue.
In my early 30s, like so many otherwise reasonable people, I kept making the same mistakes. I encountered a different face, but the same behavior. A healer I worked with, told me it was because it was early wounds were manifesting themselves through my actions and relationships — painful situations and people who represented abandonment and betrayal. I would keep recreating those dynamics until I healed the pain I was holding in my body. The solution was within me, and it was up to me to heal and allow the changes. I simply couldn’t imagine living in that deep level of pain for the rest of my life.
This didn’t just happen one day, and it wouldn’t get better overnight — the karma ran deep, and had to just play itself out through my 30’s, 40’s and finally in my 50’s many recognitions found their acceptances and transformation. I even looked into past lives in my late 40’s (Deep Memory Process®) to understand the tentacles attached to people I knew were not good for me, but I couldn’t extricate myself from until, finally, a major stimulus did it for me. I had to clear the root causes. As I began to understand the back story and started to release the body memories in me, I started to let go of the whole thing. Again, that took time, months and even years — you know how some relationships can be. The issue is in the tissue.
But it wasn’t all slow going. Some old habits are easier to break: A basic realization helped disconnect the magnetic tissue in me. These obstacles exist on a continuum, from painful memory to mild annoyance. If you pay attention, you can see them coming, stay quiet and let them pass by not getting into your head about it, but relaxing and letting the energy flow.
Be aware of bad habits you might have, such as not letting things go, even when they’re potentially toxic. The problems may bring you attention and support; you’re afraid you’ll lose friends who are there to help you. I’ve lost people on my journey; they’ve let me go, and visa versa, and that’s ok. I’ve accepted that we all need to go our own ways. We get new friends, and maybe we help them heal.
This is the move away from ‘victim’ status. We take responsibility and own up to bad patterns and actions. It’s in you, and within you it is solvable from there, not outside you. Other people aren’t just objects to fulfill our needs or avoid, but individuals on their own journeys. The timing on their journey may not be the timing in yours; people grow at different rates. Respect that, and you allow yourself to move on, as well as the other person. We choose whether or not to connect with them, and how. We come to understand the roots of our fears, and the energy releases like a chimera that never even existed, sometimes. When the root cause has been pulled out and is left lying in the sun to dry so to speak, you know it’s over, because you feel nothing left in your body about it. If another occasion shows up and you have no reaction, congratulations, you’ve done the work, that concept is healed.
Don’t despair if this takes a while, and even if you do, it’s ok, you’ll pick yourself up again. In my case I persisted in many healthy actions over the years — I got lots of bodywork, practiced yoga, meditated, went on hikes, snuggled with my beloved dog, cried a lot, danced, painted, wrote a book of poetry, read a lot. I was the healer, healing herself. I also took to the arts to express myself in multi-media performances, for example, in 2003 entitled ‘Out of the Dark!’ and ‘Risk- It’s Really All One Dance’ in 2005. The energy moves when you let it. You are the hub of all wheels. When you heal the source which is you, old situations and stimuli, are no longer called forth, because it has been healed within you!
Holding on has become an unconscious, mindless habit, and we don’t realize it — it creates tension in the muscles, shortened to such an extent that it no longer registers as stress. It’s somehow ‘normal.’ When one becomes aware of this issue and take measures to relax, you’ll notice the reduction in stress; the Alexander Technique made this awareness possible. You begin peeling back the layers, make new choices and reject the previously accepted stress. You see problems coming, and you make other choices. Once we recognize the patterns and work on letting them go, old mysteries — “why did that happen,” or “why was I with that person” — are recognized, understood, accepted and thereby released.
In essential conclusion: People are an embodiment of the concept, the situation is an environment wherein the action takes place, a projection of your issue, understand that, and you are on your way to healing and unwrapping the mystery that is YOU. Imagine yourself not attracting those old wounds anymore, it can be done! It’s not ‘magic’, it takes awareness and dedicated work, but living the daily result of inner calm and peace is really worth it.
